Sprung

As just about every high-school student knows, the absolute pinnacle of comedic success is the ability to make someone pass liquid out their nose. I can't claim responsibility for the punchline that gave the necessary 'punch', if you will, but . . . hell, I will anyway.

I was showing my buddy Trevor a comedian by the name of Dana Gould. Most of you probably don't know him at all; he's not very well-known for his stand-up comedy outside of Los Angeles. But he's one funny fucker. He was once a writer and currently executive produces for The Simpsons, which is a prestigious title to be sure. Anyway, there was a bit from the CD on the now infamous Tyson-Holyfield fight (the CD was from 1998, k?) where he was commenting on how Tyson got banned from the sport:

"Why do boxers necessarily have to fight other boxers? Let's widen this perspective of the sport a little. I mean, wouldn't it be great . . . 'Tonight! In the LA Coliseum! One night only! Mike Tyson versus 200 retarded school girls!'"

It was at this point that Trevor, who had unfortunately just begun to sip his sarsaparilla . . . which he then ended up spewing out his nose like a soda fountain onto my carpet. I haven't laughed so hard in what seems like years. Sorry Trevor, good sir . . . but that was some funny shit. :)

In other news, it is Spring! For those of you in the Northern Hemisphere, that must be a funny thing to read, but well . . . it's true. In true Spring fashion, love is in the air, both amongst the dive-bombing birds protecting their nests, and amongst people. And, hey . . . skirt and tank-top weather is definitely a plus in my book. In honor of the annual season of twitterpation, I figured I might give a short list of girls who have caught my eye recently. It should be noted ahead of time that actually attempting to win over any of these lovely creatures would be comparable to when I applied to Princeton. A nice thought but, yeah . . . get real.

This won't be too crude but . . . yeah, men are gonna enjoy this post more than women. Sorry ladies.

*ahem* So, without further adieu (and in no particular order):

• Karishma - I have never even really met her, but she lives upstairs from me, and every time she passes by just . . . holy Buddha. Top-shelf Indian women can be so ridiculously exotic . . . *swoons* She's just got this totally innocent kind of beauty that brings you to your knees. That's the best I can explain it.
• Marion - If you're first thought was "Maid Marion", go ahead and stay there. That "innocent beauty" comment also applies to this antagonizingly cute little blonde girl from - of all places - Massachusetts. I've only talked to her once or twice, and I've been far too tongue tied to get a decent conversation going, but even that once or twice was worth the effort. Although, her utter refusal to give me the time of day leads me to believe she's a little stuck up.
  
• Japanese Class Girls - Rachel, Tanielle (which is just an awesome name), and Melissa - Holy hell. Holy hell. Holy hell. This must be said once for each of them. Tanielle I find particularly intriguing because, not only does she ride that fine line between cutie and full blown hottie with distinction . . . she's uncharacteristically shy for a girl that looks the way she does. She almost never speaks. It's a quality that ought to make her more boring, but seems to serve only to make her that much more intriguing. It makes me anxious to know what she's like behind that shell of hers.
• Grace - This is a special case.
  

I've never actually met her. And I don't really know what she looks like (although the rumor mill has spoken favorably). She's just this girl that occasionally talks on the DC++ network here, and for no particular reason at all we started an impromptu friendship. She seems like a really sweet girl. Kind of halfway in between as shy as Tanielle and as stuck up as Marion. She's got some confidence . . . but she doesn't carry herself like she's God's gift to men.

And, the poor thing, she's just gone through a bad break up. Her boyfriend was an asshole, and she knows it. But it's still a break up, and it still sucks. Anyone who knows me knows I live to help others when they're low, and she tended to come cry on my shoulder. I . . . I just feel so bad for the poor girl. She's slowly coming to terms with this; not only the asshole breaking up with her, but the reasons she ended up with him in the first place. But Cam (her ex) leaving has created a sort of power vacuum and guys from every corner of her life are rushing to fill it.

It's like . . . have you ever seen Can't Hardly Wait? Other than being the never-ending story of my life (minus the ending thus far), it's a perfect analogy. Grace is like Amanda. She's just broken up and all these guys have just been lying in wait for this moment when she's single again and pounce on her with no remorse, making it that much harder for her to deal with what she's going through. It just pisses me off. All these guys are so interested in what they want but not one of them has stopped to think about her. What about what she wants? What about what she needs? Now, obviously I'm interested in her if she's made this list, but it's only fair to be honest about that with you. Personally, I have nothing invested in this; I just wanna help her out if I can. Someone's gotta put her first, you know?

When she decides she wants to date again, she will. Obviously she'll have no trouble getting back on the scene. If she picks me, awesome. We can have a little fling and I can teach her a thing or two about why it's good to give the nice guys a chance, and with luck we'll stay friends for a good long time. If she doesn't, well, I go back to USA in 2½ months anyway. No big deal. With luck we'll stay friends for a good long time. It's a win-win as far as I'm concerned.

There's my short list. There are a TON of great looking girls around here, and I could theoretically keep writing it to infinitely, but I figured I'd keep it to the creme de la creme for brevity's sake. I gotta sleep sometime. Especially given this MONSTER of an ICS project that my team needs to get on and but soon. We have about a month to put together an enterprise-level website for the Surfing Club at La Trobe. The best website in the class will be used as their actual site and the team that wins gets a free surf trip. I don't care about the trip, but fuck would that look good on a resume. I'm dedicating Thursday and Friday to a crash-course in JavaScript and re-learning my CSS skeelz.

In closing . . . I'd like to say I've felt really good the past couple of days. I've felt like I normally only feel when I've stayed up all night. Loose. Cool. Confident. In control. I like it. When I get in this mood I feel like I can do anything. I don't experience it nearly often enough. And it's an attitude like this that's gonna give me a fighting chance to get girls like I've listed above; nothing less will do. Maybe this time it's here to stay? :)

Aussie-Doozy of the Day:
I have noticed that stores around here have a tendency to open and close whenever they damn well please. Posted hours are more a guideline than a rule. By contrast, in the US posted hours are practically scripture; nothing short of an emergency is gonna shut those doors early.